...guilt

I've been dreading this post and putting it off for almost 8 weeks now... It involves two wonderful people and a whole lot of guilt...

First of all,

happy is not a word to describe the joy I felt on July 10th when we welcomed our #3, Haven. I was induced and it was the best experience/labor ever. Although getting induced took a lot longer than I anticipated (I was certain my sister and mom were going to miss it if they weren't there by 8:00) I was so ecstatic that I was right about it being a girl and that SHE was finally here, happy, and weighing a healthy 8 pounds 7 ounces. Although she's been a rough baby, I'm only now figuring her out 7 1/2 weeks later, she has brought so much love to our house. Cass is absolutely in love and wants to be around for everything. He insists that she talks to him and that she is always wanting to play with HIS toys and not REMI's. Remi has turned into a miniature monster mommy and is constantly wanting to snuggle Haven and change her diaper. I think it's safe to say we ALL adore her.

Only a few days after Haven came to us, another sweet gal left us....

My beautiful sister-in-law, Bunny,

was in a tragic auto-bicycle accident which she did not live through. She left behind my sweet nieces, Clare (3) and Maggie (3 months), and my wonderful brother-in-law, Luke.

Almost immediately, my guilt set in....

I'm not being as great a mom as I know I am capable...

I'm not taking care of my body to the best of my abilities....

I'm not serving with all my heart...

I'm not really trying to be GREAT at anything...

I'm not stretching my mind or my body to new things...

I hate being uncomfortable...

I'm stagnant. Guilty.

In my mind, Bunny could do (and did do!) everything PERFECTLY. I can hear her laughing now at this comment... she was so HUMBLE about being perfect. I looked up to her even before her passing and thought how great it'd be if she offered lessons on how to be a Bunny. I'd have paid big bucks for those classes. Again, guilt... I didn't get to know her as best as I could while she was here.

While I have loathed and bathed in my guilt for several weeks now, I'm getting over it. I found a wonderful quote:

"Guilt should be a momentary pang to spur one into corrective action. Anything longer is wasted, and worse, selfish."

So, I've made a new promise to myself. I'm going to strive to become an ANGI in the light of the Bunny I know.

I'm going to be a better mom... writing a journal for my kids, like Bunny did, full of memories and lessons I've learned.

I'm going to be a better wife... think about my husband more and less about myself and what I'm missing out on.

I'm going to be a better friend... I don't really have many close ones anymore (that was due to my own selfishness), but I am going to be better at holding them all closer to my heart.

I'm going to be better to myself... this includes eating better, being in a constant state of learning something new, working out, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, whether that be physical or mental.

I'm going to be better at putting my whole heart into serving others and fulfilling my callings.

I'm going to be better to my family... I've been so blessed with both my own family and Adam's and I haven't gone out of my way to ever get to know any of them better. I need to do that when we make visits to Utah.

So many people have been touched by Bunny, whether they knew her or not. I have a strong testimony that she has a greater calling which she is sure to be PERFECT at, in the meantime, she will be GREATLY missed.

Thank you to everyone who has thought about our entire family during this difficult time. The entire Bradley family was overwhelmed by the love and support that was given and shown. We can not thank you all enough. We have been truly blessed to have had Bunny in our family.

Brock's baby sis...

Many of you know my good friend Brock Hansen.  He was the Student Body President the year that I was the Secretary, so I know him and his cute family pretty well.  I haven't talked to them for a few years, but my niece, Clare, was often babysat by Brock's little sister, Gentrie.  My brother-in-law sent me an article today... and it's about lil' Gentrie.  Gentrie has Gastroparesis.  The best medical guess is that a virus attacked the nerves in her stomach causing it to no longer function.  Anything she eats, she vomits.  She vomits if she doesn't eat.  She hasn't had anything to eat since January.  That's a long time.  She gets all that her body needs through a PIC line.  When I think of Gentrie, I think of a crazy, hyper, goofy little six year-old.  It broke my heart to read her story and to see pictures of her.   She is thin and very discouraged.  She does have hope though with an experimental surgery.  This surgery has been deemed as 'experimental' by her health insurance because Gentrie is under 18.  Anyone that knows anything about medical insurance knows that 'experimental' means NOT COVERED.  So, her family has got to come up with some money in order to get Gentrie to Ohio for this 'experimental' surgery which has been successful in many many cases.  The Hansen's have set up a page for donations and event updates http://fight4gen.com   Love you all!  Please think of Gentrie.  

Article for Deseret News
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700042165/Illness-prevents-teen-from-being-able-to-eat.html?pg=1

Gentrie's Blog
http://gentrieshungergame.blogspot.com

My best friend...

just turned two.  Seriously, how does life get going so fast and how does my little Brumbi keep growing so quickly?  I am one lucky momma to have this little one in my life.  I think about my own relationship with my mom, and can only hope that Remi loves me half as much as I love my mom.  I hope we are bff.

In other news... 

My little karate kid now has three stripes on his white belt.  I adore him completely, but I think his dad is even more smitten with him.  After a doctor's visit last month, it amazes me that he's even more of a little man than I give him credit.  I've always thought he was older than his years but he is one tough little cuss.  He has a growth hormone shot every night, and never cries out... gets blood drawn and 'stands strong' (although he's really sitting) once  a month, and can play harder than any other kid I know.  Not to mention, can get dirtier than the average kid in much less time.  The words 'I can't' do not exist in his language.  His life is the ultimate 'what would I do if I knew I could not fail'.  A pretty big example for his momma.

The husband celebrated the big 2-7 in May.  Doesn't that sound old?  I've discussed this with my sister, and we both agree that odd numbered birthdays sound much worse than evens.  And don't even get us started on double odd numbered birthdays like 39 or 57.  Ughh!!  I'm seriously considering telling everyone I'm 28 on my next birthday and celebrating it again in 2011.  Anything to avoid the dreaded 2-7.  Oh, in some fun news, Adam broke his nose earlier this month.  He came (literally) head to head with horse.  He's had problems with  his septum and adnoids (is that what they're called?) all his life, and ever since the day he broke his nose, he says he can breath.  Weird huh?

As for me... still pregnant.  We're down to 25 days or something though, so that's exciting.  I'm starting to get overwhelmed.  I think it's natural that a mom starts doubting her capabilities, and I am for certain.  I'm hoping three kids will come just as naturally to me as one and two did.  I trust that Heavenly Father is not regretting sending this next little bundle to us.  Can you stand the anticipation of what the next one will be?  I can't.  Patience is a virtue that I lack.  

FOUND: DEAD BODY

Let me just start by saying that this is truly NOT a joke and that this really did happen...

They found a dead body about 3 miles from our house earlier this month... 

Apparently, in October, a man from Pueblo got in a fight with his girlfriend and left in his car.  His car was later found on our boss' land about 4 miles from our house on fire.  There was no sign of the man.  Earlier this month, another local rancher was tending to his cattle and found human remains.  Those remains have been positively identified as the man from Pueblo that went missing.  There's a lot of speculation about whether the man was murdered or if he took his own life, but either way, it's enough to give me the goosey bumps.  Maybe I should have added this to my previous post of life in the country.  Appealing to move to the country now, more than ever.  

I took a drive....

I took a drive tonight.  

All by myself.  

It was nice.

I figured out a few things:

If you don't know what it means to 'mark a field',

If you don't know how manure can smell so sweet,

If you don't know what it is like to look forward to a dirt road,

If you don't know what it's like to look in your rearview mirror and see your trail of dust,

If you've never watched a calf being born, 

If you're kids don't know how to drive a tractor,

If you don't know what gated pipe is,

If you don't wave at every car that you pass,

If your kids don't get dirty everyday playing outside,

And you don't know how to go to the grocery store once a month,

Then you probably live in the city... and I feel sorry for you.  

Truly, I think raising a kid in the country is the best place.

I still love you city folk though!

NEVER tease a pregnant woman!

So, now that I'm six 1/2 months pregnant, I'm to the point, where I'm done.  I feel fat, I look fat, I just wanna be loved.  My dear sweet husband, who never had couthfulness as his strong point, has had to be reminded a few times that teasing me at this point, especially when I'm complaining to him about my weight, is not the best thing to do.  One of the super nice perks of our new modular on the prairie is that we have the BIGGEST jetted tub in our master bath with a double vanity.  Now, the jetted tub, tucked nicely into a corner, is surrounded on all three walls with rather large mirrors.  These mirrors, I think, make me look a lot bigger.  The mirrors above the double vanity make me look a lot better.  As Adam was getting ready for a bath the other night, I told him my theory about the mirrors.  He then proceeded to look at my reflection in the mirrors surrounding the bathtub (the ones I thought made me look a lot bigger), and then back at me.  Teasing, (and I really do mean he was totally kidding), but he says "No, I think they're pretty accurate."  I laugh for a second and immediately following I start to cry.  Sobbing actually.  Damn hormones!  Adam wondered what the heck was wrong with me as I was just crying one second before.  All I could say was "NEVER tease a pregnant woman".  Anyway, looking back now, it's hysterical and I really admire Adam for his consistency in always having something witty to say at just the right moment to make us laugh.  The poor guy has to put up with a raging hormonal woman.  

Anyway, on a HAPPIER note, I am six 1/2 months prego.  My how time flies!  The sun is shining every other day when it isn't snowing and I haven't seen any signs of tornadoes, so life is great.  (Have I mentioned before how deathly afraid of tornadoes I am?  I never wanted to live anywhere flat and that John Denver really did lie because it doesn't get much flatter than where we are.)  Life is coming together here at the modular.  Cass started karate which he is loving.  I'll have to post a picture of him in his adorable karate suit, but I have to learn how to tie his belt first.  Remi is learning to be a little fire-cracker.  She's got attitude for days, but really she loves to hang out with me and I'm glad she's my little friend.  Adam is still loving his job and is learning more and more everyday.  We know this is just a step on his ladder to the top, so he's doing the most to take advantage of this opportunity to be here.  I've really learned to enjoy being in Colorado.  I'm within two hours of my Grandma which has been such a fun blessing.  Living in a modular really isn't as trashy as I probably once thought.  It's small, but that means much less to clean and I found a stash of 'camel cash' under the before mentioned tub that I can't wait to spend on some classy joe camel apparel.  Who couldn't be happy with these two munchkins to wake me up every morning? 

Re-Introducing Angi to the 21st Century!

That's right... guess who got the internet?  We did!  I can't help but notice that because I have not updated my blog for almost an entire year, I have lost many of my supporters.  While reviewing and catching up on friends' and families' blogs I can't help but be upset that so few still have us listed on their list of blogs that they read.  So, here I am... this is a new invitation to ALL of those old followers and NEW followers that really want to follow our cool blog.  Here is an update: 

1- Recently moved to Colorado... John Denver did lie about the mountains because we live in the flatest of flats.  

2- Having baby #3 July 2010!  So excited!  Just need to find a Dr. in Colorado now.  

3-  Adam riding and training horses full-time now at his new job and loving it

4- Cass has discovered what the word 'neighbor' means and enjoying every minute of having someone just 100 yards away to play with

5- Remi is turning into a little lady and quite the monster.  Really, she is into making messes whether on her own face or on the floor, she'll make 100 messes a day.

6-  I am trying not to get homesick and putting a house back together.  Anyone agree moving is the worst?  

So, I am back in the 21st century and I have every intention of really getting back into this blogging swing.  I just have to figure out how to download pictures on to a Mac wizard box.  Lots of love from the little house on the prairie (is that how you spell it?)

"Look Mom!"

So, I know this post is long overdue, and I apologize for that. I could blame it on my kids keeping me completely busy, but really it's trying to keep up with reading everyone else's blogs for my slacking. By the time I'm done reading everywhere else, I have no time for writing in my own.

Anyway, I am going to explain why my three year old is destined to be a marketing executive. We had the opportunity (and I say opportunity because getting out of Emery County anymore is quite an adventure) of going to Spanish Fork for a horse sale this weekend. While driving to meet Adam we passed a billboard with the below picture.

For those who do not know, this little money guy is the new spokesperson for Geico, which prompts a question in itself of 'Where did the little lizard man go?' but that's another subject. And let me just say this as a disclaimer. I do not let Cass watch much TV, let alone any channels that would have Geico commercials. Anyway, so Cass doesn't watch much TV and if he does it's PBS and I'm pretty sure they don't have insurance ads, but I could be wrong. So, we're passing this sign and my little man, in his sweet little voice, yells "Look Mom! It's the money you could be saving with Geico?" I could not stop laughing. And let me say for the record, I switched to Geico about 4 months ago, which is going to be saving us over $50/month, so those not with Geico may I suggest you check them out before your kids starting asking YOU if this is the money you could be saving with Geico.

On another note, life is going great. Cass is enjoying the warm weather and playing outside everyday. Lil Remi is getting bigger and bigger, and blonder and blonder. I swear she came out with dark hair. Adam is just working hard and kicking butt on his horses. He took 6th the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP show in January which is awesome for his first year of showing. We got to go on a Disney Cruise with Adam's family (minus the all important Mattman) in February, which was a blast. I, Angi, have been Spring cleaning like a madwoman so I don't have to worry about it when the sun is out and the wind has finally stopped blowing. Come and visit!!

Disney Pictures

Oh the joy...

Teeth! That's right we have teeth! Not to be confused with the singular noun, tooth. We have TWO tEEth. On top of these two little new guys, we have a crawler. That's right... Baby Remi is CRAWLING!! She's been scooting around alot, but today she was literally on her hands and knees lurching herself forward. It needs a little more mastering, but seriously, this little girl is 5 1/2 months. Thank you Remi for your thoughtfulness in cutting two teeth at once rather than individually.

We also have a little man that is becoming more like his father everyday. I was out doing yardwork this morning while Cass at his cereal and played with his cows. When I came back in, this is what I saw.

Notice the one green nostril. Upon this sight, I immediately start looking around for a marker or crayon or something that Cass had been sticking up his nose. I then asked him, "What did you put up your nose son?" He then proceeds to tell me, "I took my cereal and put it up my nose and then went (closing one nostril and blowing out the other with the cereal". Apparently Cass has learned from his father what most would call a 'farmer blow'. Why did he think it was a good idea to put cereal up his nose? I'll have to ask Adam about that one.

Oh the joy of being a mom... I can't stop laughing.

Playing Catch-up!

So, I'm a slacker, once again, and have so much to catch up on.

First of all, our little Cassidy turned three on the 22nd! We were lucky to be up in Salt Lake the weekend before his birthday. We celebrated with just a few family members and friends with cake and presents. I tried, and failed miserably, to make a train cake, but Cass still loved it. We then took Cassidy up to the Heber Creeper for a train ride. Given his recent OBSESSION with trains, this was all too fitting. As soon as the train began moving, he just looked out the window and wouldn't talk to anyone. He thought it was the most amazing thing! I was so glad we did it.

Me decorating Cass' cake while Cass and Papa look on

Cass at the trains

Seriously? This is Cass with his new bow and arrow and underwear

The following day we got to go to Adam's parents' house and celebrate more birthdays with Adam's family before heading up Millcreek Canyon where Adam performed the marriage of our friends Jason and Whitney. Yeah, I wrote that write. You'd be suprised how easy it is to get your minister's license online. It was a beautiful wedding and we were so glad that Jason and Whit let Adam be a part of it.

After the wedding we had to quickly load up all of our stuff and the kids to head for home. I wish we could have stayed one more day to see more family and friends, but such is our life. These packed weekends are so exhausting, but oh so worth it!

More tomorrow! Happy Halloween!

The Fabulous Frame's come to visit!!

We were so lucky to get the Frame Fam to come down and visit for the weekend. Ko and Cass got to play together, Adam and Dustin got to shoot at innocent prairie dogs and rabbits, and Rachellie bell and I got to catch up (I admit I shot at a few prairie dogs too, but we couldn't convince Rachelle that they were bad guys!) and take a horse ride together. We even got Mr. Frame on a horse and he didn't blow up! It truly was a wonderful weekend and MUCH needed for me.

The highlight of the weekend was watching Adam and Dustin trying to get the annoying donkey into the corral. It is true what they say about donkeys being super stubborn. This little guy wouldn't budge.

Adam and Dustin pulling Mr. Donkey

Adam riding Mr. Donkey, while Dustin pulls.

OK, get the horse to pull the donkey in.

Still pulling....

You push, I'll pull this (explicit, explicit, explicit).

After all that, Mr. Donkey walked right in on his own.

Anyway, it was so wonderful to have visitors and hope they come back soon!!

Ode to Rachelle...

Old photos are so wonderful to come across, especially when they are of you and your bff. I hope my bff does not get mad when she sees all of these...

It all started in 7th grade gym class. Rachelle, with her flaming red hair, and I, with my infatuation with Blake Robinson, had 1st period gym class together. The picture above is Rachelle signing my yearbook on the last day of school.We remained friends into 8th grade, where Mrs. Titus hated us because we were always writing notes back and forth. Oops! This is our pretty stage of braces and pastel eyeshadow. Rachelle was lucky though because she got the clear braces that blended in with her teeth.
Into 9th grade and dance company... Rachelle got skinnier and skinnier, while I on the other hand was sneaking twinkies or something back stage. This is also the year where Rachelle's romance with Mr. Frame began. We still have braces.

On into high school and our friendship is still going strong... We split a lunch from McDonald's almost everyday (supersize the rootbeer please!), write notes back and forth in yet another math class together, drive around in Ralphie the red pick em' up truck, ditch class to drive by Ben Franklin Academy, and breaking curfew a time or two. We went in with braces, and came out with million dollar smiles!

There is a time period here where Rachelle and I do not see each other often enough. She went on her way to Dixie where I know she caused havok everywhere. I went to Douglas Street and the good ole' SLCC. There is about a 2 year period from 19ish-21ish that I'd like to forget ever happened, but on the brighter side of 22 we are still wonderful friends!

Now here we are, all growed up. It's weird to think that for roughly 10 years now, we've been friends. There's a quote out there that goes something like "A friend is someone you can sit with in total silence, and walk away feeling like you've had a complete conversation" and that's how I feel about my Rachellie bell. I hope we are at the same retirement home when we are 100 playing bingo and chatting about hemroids and our dentures. Wouldn't that be somethin?

You know your son is a cowboy...

When his swimming pool is a horse trough.

We've been spending a lot of time out at the Johnson's other ranch, the Baker Ranch, where it is nice and remote, but ever so hot. One day, Cass and I were so hot, he asked if he could go swimming. I thought, why not? The horses enjoyed just as much as Cass.

Our little Remi is doing so wonderful. She is such a sweetheart and easy to please. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to leaving her or Cass.

Where have the last 4 weeks gone?

Well, our little Remi officially turned 4 weeks old yesterday. It has been such a whirl-wind with two kids, but I'm absolutely loving it! We have been blessed with the easiest baby ever. Remi slept through the night the third or fourth night home despite my efforts to wake her. Is that normal? Now we've got her on a schedule so she wakes once between 11 and 7 to eat. At her two week appointment she'd already gained 6 ounces and 1/2 an inch. I've really enjoyed being able to nurse her after all the trouble I had nursing Cass. I did get a breast infection the second week which I thought I was going to die from, but a shot in the rear and some antibiotics and I was feeling much better after a few days. Thank goodness for modern medicine.

Cass has certainly changed his feelings about Remi. He absolutely loves her! He's constantly wanting to hold her, play with her or 'just look at her'. He's such a sweet little boy! We went to the doctor and had some x-rays and tests done to see if the surgery in March was successful or not. We're happy to report that everything looks like it was a success and now we only have to cath once a day. I'm hoping we can now get back on track with potty training. It's so wonderful to finally see my little boy putting on some weight, getting taller and actually wanting to eat! Again, thank goodness for modern medicine!!

Being a mom is so wonderful!

Introducing....

We are pleased to announce the arrival of our baby girl, Remington Cole Bradley!!! She finally made it on Sunday, June 8th at 11:43 am. Labor was way too easy! I started having contractions about 4:30 in the morning, so I got up and got ready and showered. We left the house at about 7:00 and were at the hospital (it's quite a drive) by 8:00. I was already at a 5 when we got there and 80%. I got my epidural at about 10:15ish and we started pushing at 11:35. Little Remi was here in 3 pushes weighing in at 8 lbs. 9 oz. and 21 inches. She has tons of dark, curly hair and strangely long toes and fingers. I still am in shock that we had a girl! I was so certain it was a boy!

Cassidy really didn't know what to think about her. I don't think he quite understood that she was his sister, but now that we are home, he is liking her a lot more. He likes to tickle her feet and play 'This little piggy" on her toes.

Congratulations to everyone else that had a baby around the same time... Jessica, Sara, Shalane and the many others! Isn't being a mom the best?

3, 39, 1 and 50

So, this last week sure has been an eventful one! It is filled with many different numbers...
First of all, Monday was mine and Adam's THREE year anniversary! So crazy! We didn't do much to celebrate, but Adam did get to enjoy the half day off which was so needed! I can't believe three years has come and gone and I'm more in love with him now than ever. I'm such a lucky girl!
Next, I celebrated being 39 weeks pregnant... sort of. I'm not too thrilled to still be pregnant, but I'm just trying to remain positive and optimistic that this little one will come when he/she is darn well ready to.
I went to my 39th week appointment and I am officially still dialated to a ONE! Yeah, I was not depressed that day at all!
Last, but not least, Cass and I got to head up to Salt Lake to help in suprising my mom on her 50th birthday. We had all of our extended family meet us up in Mill Creek Canyon and surprise her all together. It was such a wonderful day and everything went just as planned!
So, here's to another weekend being pregnant that God has blessed me with. Hopefully our next post will include some baby!

Ode to Adam!

My husband is now a quarter of a century old! I thought I would post this creepy picture of him which I think makes him look like a 40 year-old weirdo, but he thinks makes his mustache look rad. Whatever! Happy birthday honey! I love you!

We love cousins!

So, last weekend, we had the lovely Jerry and Er-dawg clan down to our house along with little Miah. It was so great to have them here and Cass just loved playing with the kids. Sorry Hudsie that Cass would not let you touch anything. We just love having visitors... hint hint... and we don't get them enough!

We've been going with Adam to work the last few weeks. Cass thinks it is just the coolest thing to take water to cows because the road is 'so bumpy' and loves being a 'big helper' to his dad. Those two together crack me up.

Cass clearing beaver dams with his dad.

Emotional Rollercoaster continued....

So, one more low for everyone.... last night our new little filly died. I promise we really are good stewards of our animals, but when this little colt was born sometime early yesterday morning, she slid under a fence, so mother and baby were seperated for we don't know how long. By the time we saw that they were separated, Fiona's (mother) bags were so tight, the baby couldn't suck. I milked almost 3 pints out of Fiona before the baby could even distinguish where a teet was. She was doing well after that, so we aren't sure what happened in the middle of the night, but she was in an eternal sleep when Adam checked her this morning. Needless to say, Adam and I are way bummed! R.I.P. little filly.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Well, we happy to announce the newest arrival to our family. No, I'm not talking about me having our baby 7 weeks early although that would be nice. I'm referring to our new baby horse filly. She was born early this morning and is just the cutest little thing ever!

Now for some sad news... while trying to get our little colt to nurse this morning, our beloved kitty cat Mater was ran over. It was the most awful sound I've ever heard and it was so sad. We have to keep telling Cass that Mater is just outside sleeing. So sad.

Now for more good exciting news... our trip to San Francisco was wonderful and Adam did great! He took 4th overall out of 15! He did so well and all of the people there were really impressed that it was his first show and that he was so good. I am SOOOO proud of him! Here he is kicking this cow's butt!

The next bit of bad news is our little man had to be hospitalized again when his second tube was removed. Apparently, after major bladder surgery, the bladder can go into shock and may have a hard time restarting itself. This was the case with Cass. He didn't pee for awhile after the tube was removed which was causing him intense discomfort and pain. We took him into the hospital where he was admitted and luckily we only had to stay a short while. Now, we're cathing him every 4 hours until his bladder starts to work properly.

So, that's it for this emotional rollercoaster. Hope you enjoyed the ride.... Wish us less bad luck and R.I.P. Mater kitty cat.